Yes, I’ve been scared to run!

I love running.....so why have I been so scared to do it?

Since starting a new job in March, my tweeting, blogging, and running have been sporadic to say the least. I went from running 40 miles a week to not running for weeks at a time. I was able to squeeze in enough training to run my first marathon in May, do an open water swim in June, and then eeked through a sprint triathlon in August. But I was so slow on the bike that I was one of the last people on the course! 

I thought the sprint tri would reinvigorate my training, especially with the London Triathlon coming up, but it didn’t. Post-tri I did well for about a week, but then crazy work hours and travel got in the way once again. After struggling so much on the bike in Seaford and not being able to get any more training in....I reluctantly withdrew from the London Tri. Well....I was reluctant, but very relieved. 

Once I withdrew from the London Tri, I should have just run for fun whenever I had the time. Randomly during the week when I could and on weekends, definitely. No pressure, right? But instead I avoided it. Partly because I knew that I was out of shape. But mostly because I was scared. 

Yes, scared to run.

Scared to start clawing back some of my fitness only to have to lose it again when things got crazy at work. Scared to feel the stress of not being able to train when I had a race coming up (even though I had no races planned). Scared to feel like I was running for the first time ever.

Typical work stress and trying to fit my running around work had turned something I loved into something I dreaded. Suddenly I was scared....I just didn’t want to do it. 

Irrational and stoopid, I know. And an all-around poor excuse. I see so many of you with such an amazing commitment to getting it done. Day after day, getting up hours before sunrise, going on runs at the office, running at night after dinner! How do you guys do it?!

So the bottom line of all this fear and whinging is I haven’t been very good at fitting running around work, despite my efforts to become a dedicated member of the 6am club before I ended my career break. I don’t think it’s going to get any easier, but I finally hit the point where the stress of not running finally outweighed the stress of finding time to run. (Okay, the fact that I couldn’t get one of my skirts over my butt the other day was probably another contributing factor).

I have finally accepted that any running was good running, even if it was ‘only’ 2ish miles. No longer will I worry about fitting time in for 4 miles or 6 miles or 8 miles, and then giving up because there wasn’t enough time. I will now be happy with anything, even if I’m just running around the block. Or up and down the hall in my flat!

I ran for the first time in 5 weeks this morning. I struggled as I plodded along, nearly hyperventilating. And while I felt scared before I took the first few steps, I have to admit that it felt like being with an old friend by the time I got to the end of the road.

One day down, and my goal is to just get out there every day this week.

No more fear. I hope.....